By Dr. Jim Sellner Ph.D.
My point is this…
If you don’t want people to run screaming in the opposite direction when you have crucial conversations with them, you have to be able and willing to get “real” use “ordinary speak” and connect with people – on their “mind turf.”
Be respectfully honest, compassionately brutal and authentically devoted to their betterment. You are going into the room for improvement to have a conversation — one human being human with another.
Herb Kelleher of Southwest Airlines is a master at this.
Talking to engage isn’t just about using with the “proper” words. Its not about the technicalities of words, its about the emotion in the message. Its about the intention behind the words you are sharing. You want to connect with people on an emotional level.
Making them value you.
Making them want to sharethings with you.
OK, fine — now you might ask, “How the heck am I supposed to do that?” Well, glad you asked!
This is not rocket science. The rules are quite simple.
1. Talk with a specific person or team about a specific goal or task you want improved – one task or goal at a time. Think of it this way.
2. Talk the way you talk. Don’t go “rap” and use street slang and shorthand. But if you can’t say what you need to say without stumbling and tripping over our tongue – you’ve gone too complex. Practice what you’re about to say preferable with a colleague who will be brutally honest with you.
Use simple words – not stupid, simplistic words. Most people have a grade school comprehension level. Some will be at college level. Very few will be highly skilled.
Most everyone, in a crucial conversation, in which heightened blood pressure clouds the mind, can only listen in 6-7 second word bites. Simple, easily understandable, delivered in small chunks makes it easier for people to digest the message. You don’t want them throwing up on you.
3. Tell a story, make it funny. Here’s one I like that one of my managers told me when I was being resistant to his instructions.
A motorist was mailed a photo of his car speeding through an automated radar post. An $80 speeding ticket was enclosed. Being a bit of a smarty the motorist sent the police back a picture of $80. The police mailed back a photo of handcuffs.
I got the point.
4. Relate to the person or group. Get into their shoes. What is their context? Use words that let’s them know you understand their world, and that you’re just as human as they are. People like that, they will then tend to like you. When they start thinking you’re a threatening alien you’ve lost their trust.
5. Make yourself easy to understand. Big, long speeches with long, run-on sentences send your audience screaming out of that room for improvement. Break it up, even use occasional word pictures or real pictures to help break it up. Ask for their input to engage people more.
6. Sleep on it before you deliver it. If you go for it when your rushed or under pressure it’s a sure bet you’re slap happy or exhausted and that 10-minute diatribe is nowhere near to being as impactful as you are deluding yourself into believing it will be.
7. Relax! Say what you’re passionate about. Say what you expect. Make it an invitation to improve.
8. Use the four keys to getting people to open the door to the room for improvement — Why? What? How! and “What if?
There you have it.
8 ways to not repulse the person or your team.
Are you able and willing to manage people with genius, to stop treating them like idiots or dummies — to engage, respect, and show that you’re interested in them becoming better?
I’d appreciate to hearing from you.
Human Principle #2: We behave in our best interests when we:
Increase our competencies;
Are aligned with our personal and business values; and…
Choose to be engaged.